April 2011
1 post
10 tags
You can take the boy out of the bathroom...
A friend from my hometown visited civilization the other night. While here, he reminded me of a story of great social and political import from our youth.
We set our scene in a grade twelve English class, studying Aldous Huxley’s masterpiece, Brave New World. The class faced the task of developing an advertisement for one of the book’s many fictional products, thereby demonstrating...
November 2010
1 post
Help me harness the awesome power of facial hair...
After several years of sponsoring/mocking participating friends, I’ve decided to take part in Movember this year. I’ve found a bit of extra motivation since my stepdad’s recovery from prostate cancer, plus I feel like it’s about time somebody else got a turn to ask me if I’m doing Movember, or just have bad judgement. The following post contains the details. If you...
October 2010
1 post
I’m amused by the sound I make during Leaf...
August 2010
2 posts
8 tags
I don't care about Brett Favre's cock.
Like all good-hearted football fans, I hate Brett Favre. I hate him for giving Packer fans a reason to be even more insufferable. I hate him for his bizzaro-LeBron act, in which he annually summons a media circus over his indecision. I hate him for the year he spent getting non-jokingly called the Jets’ MVP, despite being easily and consistently the worst starter the team had at any...
14 tags
How to make sure I'm not following you on Twitter
“He just seems like one of those people for whom Twitter is, like, the perfect medium.”
-An actual description of me, which I think was a compliment, by MC79hockey.com’s Tyler Dellow.
I like Twitter. It’s equal parts useful resource and enjoyable distraction, allowing me to stay up to date on developments in my spare time interest areas throughout the work day. I can...
July 2010
1 post
9 tags
How can one of the most innovative people in his...
I’m secure enough in my masculinity to announce it online that I’m a pretty big fan of Prince. I haven’t loved everything he’s done, and I’d even go so far as to say some of his music flat-out stinks. Still, the good stuff is great, and even his lesser offerings almost always bring something new to the table. Few musicians can claim such a prolonged legacy of...
June 2010
8 posts
9 tags
The most reassuring thing about not believing in...
The weekend before last, I used the approximately 27 minutes of free time I had to visit the Beach Rib-fest. It delivered everything a rib festival typically promises: a reasonable variety of sauces, trailers with confederate flags on them (not the one pictured, though, which is from a lazy Google image search), overpriced beer, and a band attempting pop standards from the 1970s with a singer who...
8 tags
The Best Meal I Ever Ate
In October of 2008, I was wandering around Bratislava, Slovakia. I ducked into a restaurant by the Danube, whose name eludes me for the moment. There, I was served what remains the greatest culinary accomplishment I’ve ever had the good fortune to taste: a grilled pork filet stuffed with bacon. It is literally impossible to overstate the magnanimity of bacon-stuffed pork.
The service,...
6 tags
A sample of the things I think about while trying...
I wish someone would invent pocket-sized shovels. I would carry them around in my pockets, and pull them out during arguments. I could have really accented my points during the steroids argument the guys and I had last night by pulling out a shovel, and saying “here’s a shovel – can you dig it, fool?” It’s too bad all my shovels are too big to carry around socially.
8 tags
In which I describe Bacon Hot Sauce with hockey...
Throughout history, man has sought to combine and merge the things he identified as awesome. In the face of objections over safety, health, plausibility, and plain decency, enterprising humans have cast the naysayers aside, achieving magnificent blends, such as the episode of Wings with Norm and Cliff from Cheers, cab merlot, and the Turducken (all of which may themselves be combined for a truly...
6 tags
Ryantology's Sacraments: The UB40
This is the first entry in a series, which, proving the value of sober second thought, was very nearly called “Cocktales.” I’m going to start doing semi-regular updates in which I discuss one of my favourite drinks, spin the story of how I first came to love it, and share its recipe. I’ll kick off by covering the latest cocktail to strike my fancy: the UB40.
The UB40 is a...
6 tags
I’m equal parts jealous of the experience,...
3 tags
Lake Erie at night. Goes well with some Hennessy...